I began this blog as a way to communicate to our friends and family in the midst of expected stress and chaos that we knew would come once Wade left. We never knew it would be like this!
I miss him; so much it can be hard to breath but instead of telling him this I get angry with him. I thought this would be okay with me but it isn't. I can keep busy during the day but even then if I pause for a moment I am consumed with awful feelings of regret, jealousy and resentment.
I keep hearing, from complete strangers even, that we are "so lucky" but if they had to endure what I am enduring they would be singing a much different tune! I have daily stress of being a homeschooling mom, but on top of that I have the stress of my children's stress that is increasing daily along with their insecurities and reservations about this whole situation as well. Some of resorted to extreme routes to find.. I don't even know but it includes stealing... a lot! (This is new to my family.) They are lying, screaming, yelling, and angry a lot. Even the babies are constantly fighting... over ME. I close my eyes and ask God if this is how this is supposed to be?
I feel like I am burdening Wade with even more guilt every time I talk to him because there is always something wrong and he is so far away there is nothing he can do to help. We find some way to fight about something even when neither of us even wants to be fighting. This is all just so hard.
I desperately want our marriage to be strong, and for us to use this time to encourage our hearts to grow fonder... but at this point I wonder if we'll be able to even stand each other when he comes home in 2+ weeks. We can barely talk now....
Well, as for the details of us leaving... as it stands the movers come on the 7th of June to pack our air freight and we leave to Calgary that same afternoon. The first flight leaves early morning of June 8th. The flights and hotels are all booked.
